Feb. 8th, 2006

oneirophrenia: (Mad Scientist 1)
Straight from my buddy Chris to me, and now to you, comes English Major Hysteria!

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2005 winners:

1. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

2 . Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido: All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter, when they come at you rapidly.

13 . Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm n the fruit you're eating.

I'm going to use as many of those as possible in my own writing from now on, along with my other new favorite word--of my own vintage--"cinematic wangtantiality": (n.) the statistical chance that any appearance of Harvey Keitel in any movie will inspire someone watching to say, "Dude, did you see his wang in The Piano? Dear lord, never let that man get naked again."
oneirophrenia: (Screwball!)
First of all, I think the headline Four More Deaths in Cartoon Protest" (not the actual headline, but the RSS link headline, apparently) is really hysterical. It just makes me think of, like, a whole horde of Toons storming the streets of Hollywood to protest the decriminalization of "dip possession."

But more importantly...I must address this to the inhabitants of Iran, Syria, and any useless patch of tundra ending in -istan:

YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS ARE KILLING YOURSELVES AND OTHERS OVER A GODDAMNED CARTOON.

Seriously...I really, really do my best to respect others' beliefs, even when I think they are stupid--but, really, people...this is just too stupid for even me to say "live and let live." I generally have a pretty good facility at understanding the worldviews of others, because it only makes sense that you attempt to understand where someone is coming from, especially if you don't particularly agree with them on something but want to at least accomodate their views in such a way as to minimize the stress of having to deal with one another. But this shit defies all comprehension. I honestly don't get it, at all.

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