Apr. 15th, 2006

oneirophrenia: (Christyballs depressed)

None of this will probably come as a surprise to any of you....

1. When driving, if I encounter a car approaching me on the other side of the road or trying to pass me, I have to make it to some appropriate mark on the road--a milemarker, end of a hill, a conveniently-placed tree, anything will do--so that I "win" in the race. This often involves me speeding up for no reason whatsoever and scares the shit out of my mother, who (thank gods) refuses to ride in the car with me driving.

2. I give my cats innumerable, idiotic nicknames. Currently, Christyballs Greycat is also known as Piddles, Bizzles, Piddy Tut, the B, Boo-chan, the Bumble, and Robert Anson Murphy.

3. I was told years ago, by a psychologist who read some of my writing, that I have a touch of Tourette's Syndrome. I have NO clue how she got that from a story about cats and robots, but....Nonetheless, she may be right. Often when driving alone or just sitting around in the house with nobody around, I find myself singing or shouting weird glossolalic phrases and words that just seem to leap onto my tongue and explode outward. "ZIGGA!" "MACHINEGUN FUCKSTICK!" "SHABBA-DOO, SHABBA-DEE!" Shit like that. Personally, I don't think it's Tourette's, I think it's just a silly habit that grew out of boredom, the fact that I am alone 90% of the time with no one but my cat to talk to, and my love of goofy words.

4. I find it next to impossible to piss in a public restroom when anyone else is around. This goes back to gradeschool, when everyone would wait for me to go to the bathroom to follow me in and steal stuff from me or otherwise torture me.

5. For every 65 short stories or novels I start, I finish 1. I average about 1 finished story every 7 years; each story is about 7 pages long, too. On the other hand, for every 10 songs I start, I finish at least 5. Most of these songs are at least 6 minutes long; a sizable number are longer than 10. This clearly indicates that I am more cut out to be a musician than a writer.

6. I'm never very happy when I'm alone. I certainly don't need someone else to make me functional--I get by perfectly well on my own and am totally okay with that...but I absolutely HATE being alone. But I'm almost always alone. Therefore, I'm just never very happy. This is what got me into music, writing, gardening, and virtually everything I do: I create things to distract myself from the loneliness. That's why so much of my creative output is so depressing, weird, cynical and decadent. Oddly enough, though, when I'm with somebody, I'm still very creative--I just write or compose "nicer" stuff, because I'm actually happy and content.

I'm not tagging anybody. If you want to do this, just do it and tell me about it. :)
oneirophrenia: (Victor 1)
I've been feeling pretty down over the past few days...so what do I do when I feel like an unlovable piece of tripe? I summon the Crawling Chaos and work on new Nyarlathotep tracks, you fuckers!

I've been so wrapped up in my "solo" work that just doesn't seem to be going anyway, that I'd gotten away from my oldest and best-known project for too long. Plus, for some reason, I just hadn't been feeling the power of the Other Gods in my music. But, ohboy, did the dimensional gates slam open earlier in this week! Not only have I finished "remastering" all the original album's songs for re-recording, re-composition, and eventual re-release, but I have a bunch of newer ones laid out to finish for the follow-up album, Strange Aeons, AND have begun a few more for an upcoming EP that will hopefully turn out to be the long-lost "soundtrack" to Hans Backovic's maddening film, Le Fin Absolue du Monde. So, basically, this is what y'all can expect from the Chaos which sometimes finds it necessary to Crawl in the coming months:

1. Re-release of our original first album Ia!, with several new tracks added and ALL the old ones redone, retouched, and otherwise made a billion times cooler thanks to the help of [livejournal.com profile] popejeremy, [livejournal.com profile] doktorvox, [livejournal.com profile] siliconedreamer, and now Mlj user="mirvana"> as well! For those of you who've heard the original version of Ia!...wait'll you hear THIS. It's going to split your skulls open and squirt billions of cosmic larvae into your corpus callosum.

2. An EP purporting to be the soundtrack to Backovic's Le Fin Absolue du Monde. Showtime's Masters of Horror series of short films has, for the most part, been putrid rooster shite--especially Stuart Gordon's butchering of "Dreams in the Witch House," for which he deserves to be shot in the gut. But the episode "Cigarette Burns," directed by John Carpenter, was AMAZING...and was all about a film, Le Fin Absolue do Monde, which drives its viewers into homicidal and suicidal frenzies through its hideous imagery of the mangling of an angel. Sounds like something the Crawling Chaos was literally born to score, doesn't it?

3. The second album, Strange Aeons...which, considering how much I have started for it, may end up being a double album: one disk of more rhythmic, beat-heavy stuff (NO THUD THUD THUD SHIT, however!), and one of sludgy nightmarish ambient.

4. A possible soundtrack for an art installation in NYC.

5. Probably another soundtrack for the latest novel by Caitlin R. Kiernan, as well...but that probably won't happen until the end of the year.

6. AND! And...perhaps, a long neo-classical piece in five movements based on Thomas Ligotti's amazing short story, "Dr. Locrian's Asylum."

Gonna be a busy year. But I need something eldritch, amorphous, tentacular, and mindless to take what's left of my mind off the hallucinatory mess of my life.

BTW: If anyone else reading this wants to take part in the Crawling Chaos Experience--i.e., compose and record with us...hell, give a brotha an email! [livejournal.com profile] jdecay, I'm expecting to hear from you. :) Anyone else? Pegritz at gmail dot com is the place to go. Everyone's welcome to contribute something to the madness! Just remember to bone up on your Lovecraft first, and maybe pick up some Kiernan and Ligotti work, too.


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