Aug. 6th, 2006

oneirophrenia: (Default)
So today completely did not turn out the way I planned it....But I'd actually had money budgeted to do stuff this weekend, though, so I got myself dinner and ended up seeing two movies, Talladega Nights and The Descent--and eventually hanging out for a while at [livejournal.com profile] beeporama and [livejournal.com profile] dorothymonkey's. Sorry I left early, folks, but I just wasn't feeling like being out after sitting around all day. I'm just not much of a party person these days, I guess. Nice seeing everyone again, and, man, that banana-rum punch thing was THE BOMB.

Anyway, movies. CHUD.com called Talladega Nights the funniest movie of the year--and it is. Oh, MAN, it is! It's by the same guy who did Anchorman and, of course, has Will Ferrell in it playing another complete idiot--which is by its very nature funny as hell. This movie has a lot more of a "plot" to it than Anchorman did, but that does not in ANY way reduce the amount of sheer goofy humor that drenches this movie through to the core. I literally laughed myself sore sittin' there in the theatre! John C. Reilly, the Eternal Sidekick Actor, plays Ricky Bobby's best friend, and he's just so damned hysterical that I cracked up even if he just walked across the screen and drank a glass of water. Best of all, much like Anchorman, the end-credits roll over an outtakes and adlibs reel featuring, for the most part, Will Ferrel and John C. Reilly--it's so goddamned funny it actually made me pee a little. Or jizz a little. Didn't check real close to find out, knowhutImean?

Best line: "If you don't like chewing Big Red bubblegum, then go [bleep] yourself."

The Descent has also been hyped to hell and back on CHUD.com lately, and for the past several months, as well. The sophomore effort from the feller who directed Dog Soldiers, my favorite werewolf movie in YEARS, sounded like spooky gold from the outset: bunch of women cavers get stuck in a mysterious cave with Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers (jesus, "CHUD" galore tonight). Filmed primarily in "natural" underground lighting--that is, in illumination provided by the prop flashlights, flares, and glowsticks)--and in very realistic underground sets (including claustrophobic tunnels barely bigger than the actresses*), the film has a "buried alive" authenticity that was completely lacking in other underground horror films such as The Cave (what a coprolite that was). There was also a decent amount of characterization: the women involved weren't "sacrificial lambs" just dropped into a big, wet hole to serve as the lunch tray for the underground mutants. In fact, the underground mutants were fucking cool--and surprisingly realistic. Basically--and this shouldn't be giving away much of anything you can't guess from the trailers--the CHUDs in this film are little more than a subspecies of carnivorous human adapted to deep cave life. It could happen (and somewhere on my hard-drive I have a story I started years ago about just that: subterranean hominids...but mine, though carnivorous, weren't brainless, devolved killing machines). The makeup FX for the "crawlers" was, as in Dog Soldiers, very good...and some of those scenes in which you just see one of the bleached-white humanoids crawling slowly along in distant flashlight are absolute terrifying. Even to me.

But this film ain't perfect. For all its strengths, it has some major weaknesses--weaknesses that don't wreck it, mind you, so much as just make you roll your eyes sometimes. One, the dialogue is atrocious at times. Two, the film involves too many jump-out-at-you-and-SHOCK-YOU! moments when it should've been focusing on the sheer horror of being trapped in the dark with loathesome Lovecraftian things (not Cthulhu-Lovecraftian here, I'm talking "The Lurking Fear"-Lovecraft). And a-Three: THE ENDING IS FUCKING STUPID. Not the actual ending of the film, just the last minute of it. What the hell was that supposed to be? I asked myself as I was exiting the theatre.

Also, the whole main-character's-family-killed-in-car-accident prologue was completely unnecessary. It literally had NOTHING to do, really, with either the main plot of the film or any of the various subpluts. It was a vermiform appendix of celluloid.

But it's still a great film. And, yes, I know...I rattled on ten times more about The Descent--but remember, folks: I'm a horror critic. :) And besides, what more can you say about a great comedy than "IT'S FUNNIER THAN HELL"?! Will Ferrel needs no discussion. Underground cannibalistic bat-people do.

So, that's that. I'm tired as hell--didn't sleep too well last night--so I'm reporting right to my bed. In Cooper's Cave, just outside of Uniontown. Where the bat-people go to hibernate.

*And let me tell you, being stuck in some cave's wet, ice-cold colon is No Fun At All. I've been there. Curse you, Laurel Caverns!
oneirophrenia: (Screwball!)
Here's an interview with Joe Francis, the scrotum who owns the entire Girls Gone Wild video "empire".

Seriously...the guy constantly tries to compare himself to Hugh Hefner, but fella, let me tell you: Hugh Hefner has a whopping dose of Continental suaveness and class about him. You are just a drunken frat boy who hit it lucky.
oneirophrenia: (Girl I Like Bear 2)
So last night I dreamt that I was in some kind of cooking competition...which was being done at a firehall in Pittsburgh. I had to bake something and take it down for the judging. But, see, I still don't have a new stove, so I had to use the stove in my basement. But--here's where the surreality starts--[livejournal.com profile] k3llya was living in my basement....And by living I mean dwelling--not chained to the waterheater or creeping around in the dark like some kind of very well-dressed ghoul. Apparently, I had fixed up an apartment down there and she was renting it. She said I could use her stove, and she helped me bake vegan brownies. Then we made out and I woke up.

Sorry, K. We didn't even get to try the brownies to see if they were even edible.

The things my subconscious coughs up sometimes....

The Fun

Aug. 6th, 2006 02:48 pm
oneirophrenia: (Berzerk2)
Nothing in this world is quite as amusing as feeding my cat some primo cat-ganja so she gets all whacked out, and then shining the laser pointer on the floor for her to attack. My cat is so easily amused.

But after a while, she starts getting frustrated that she can't physically get the light. She starts growling when she pounces on the light and it magically appears ON TOP OF HER PAW, instead of under it. So then we switch to actual physical toys that she can savage in her drug-fueled rage.

New Phone

Aug. 6th, 2006 03:03 pm
oneirophrenia: (r0b0t)
I got a new phone the other day: a Sony Ericsson. It's pretty damn nice, and only cost me $70 all told since I renewed my contract with CellularOne.

I've never had a Sony Ericsson phone before, but I've read a lot of reviews concerning this model (the specifics of which I forget at present) and they're all positive. It gets great reception in Pittsburgh and here in the Styx as well. The only thing is: its OS is a great deal different than the Motorola and Nokia phones I've owned, so I've hung up on a few people accidentally or called them two or three times in a row because I keep using the Motorola key combinations that...uhhh, don't work on this phone. Heh. Sorry 'bout that, folks. I'll get used to it soon, believe me.

The interesting thing about this phone is that it's a GSM model. This is the first GSM phone I've ever had, and apparently GSM (whatever that actually means) appears to make a pretty big difference in signal strength issues. Sure, I still have weird floating dead zones all around where I live, but...I seem to get slightly better reception and call clarity with this phone than I did with any of my past ones, even the old Nokia warhorse that I gave to my mom. I take that as a good sign.

I also have the Ghostbusters theme as my ringtone, now, too. I consider this a major upgrade.

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