The Weekend Update, with Norm McDonald

[Tonight, Norm McDonald will be played by Pegritz.]

Hey, everybody....Now, here's the fake news.

Lately, I haven't been posting the usual weekend update because...well, there really hasn't been much happening on weekends: I lounge around Electro-Retro night (or DJ there, as I did a week ago), I sleep, I go to Ceremony and boogie a little and drink a lot, and I make out with any poor wayward lass who will hold still long enough. *shrug* Nothing exciting.

This weekend was a little different, though, mainly thanks to the crazy-ass weather on Saturday. siliconedreamer and I spent most of the day wandering around Pittsburgh, plowing through the sloppy gray slush that caked every street in creation in my surefooted Cavalier. This is the first winter my "new" Cavalier has experienced with me at the wheel, and I wasn't too sure how it would handle in the snow, considering it's a good bit bigger and heavier than my old one. Still, it handled admirably in the gritty murk of Oakland, dug its way through six inches of virgin pack in the depths of the South Side, and even managed to skate over the Birmingham Bridge without sliding us into the Mon. siliconedreamer and I checked out that there South Side Works plaza (or whatever it's called), and were mildly impressed. The Joseph Beth Booksellers there is a strangely erratic store, with a terrible CD collection, and very hit-or-miss book selection...yet aRvin still found a lot of cool stuff, and I got yet another book on human freaks entitled Mutants with lots of great pictures of polydactylous dwarves, siren infants, and random hirsute wolf-boys.

We ended up at Ceremony, as usual, which was...okay, I guess. Not many people there due to the snow. But terrorfirmasky still played some decent jams and the guest DJ (Patty...I forget her DJ name) played some cool old deathrock and stuff like that. I drank a hell of a lot and randomly attempted to skeeze on some cute little short-haired chick that I've noticed hanging around a bit lately--but that went nowhere: dear gods, the girl was as vapid as can be, her name was "Ghost," and furthermore she's been a theatre major or something like that at Point Park College for, like, seven years now. Seven years?! Christ! Have some discipline and just get it done. She has also reinforced my opinion that martygreene is the ONLY intelligent, awesome girl to ever go to Point Park. All the rest are slackjawed dullards.

Eat n' Park after Ceremony was a strange affair. I was sober as hell by that point, but, man, something ca-RA-zy must've infected me, 'cause I felt like I was on crack and did my best to annoy the little ubergoth kids sitting in the booth right next to us. I really should've leaned over and told the one kid I'd given him $10 for his girlfriend, but that probably would've started a riot--a FUN riot, yes, but it's been ages since I've been booted out of an Eat n' Park for disorderly conduct, and didn't feel like reliving those days just yet...especially since I was hungry. And I didn't have $10 in cash on me, anyway.

Sunday, I had to report home early in order to get a LOT of work done for class today: printed out papers, worked on the classes' individual websites, crap like that....Did catch the Stillerz game, though. Not as ugly as I thought it was going to be: we played well, but Bettis fumbled again and Ben wasn't at his best (mainly because of a thumb injury, it seems), and we had our asses handed to us by New England. But the Patriots are a damned good team--you can't take that from them. I still think the Eagles are going to mop the field with them at the Super Bowl, though. All things considered, though, the Steelers had a great season mapped out by some good coaching and great players. If we manage to hang on to most of our good players, even with Bettis possibly retiring, then we'll be a force to reckon with again next year.

I ran into some weird phone trouble in Pittsburgh, though: my cellphone just wouldn't dial. NO idea why, since it was getting full reception and had plenty of juice--it just didn't seem to be able to connect to the network. Started doing it again here in Uniontown yesterday, so I had to take it to the CellOne store today and they checked it out. The phone's casing was all screwed up somehow. No clue what happened there, since I've never opened the damn thing since I got it...but they checked everything out, updated the software on it, and gave me a new faceplate and back casing for it, so that was cool. They also told me the problems I was having in Pittsburgh were most likely an AT&T network problem, so it should be transient. Goddamned cellphones. More trouble than they're worth. At least the CellularOne people are incredibly helpful and have so far shown me the best service I've ever seen.

And finally...last night, I took a bath, and when I came downstairs afterwards, guess what?! The ceiling in my kitchen was pouring water down onto the floor. I called the motherfucking plumber immediately, waking his redneck ass up at nearly 11pm, and demanded he come out and check it out ASAP. Well, the water stopped as I was talking to him, so I figured it was probably coming from the tub's drainpipe, and sure enough that's what it was: the seal around one of the connections went bad. Nothing to do with the plumber's work, since he didn't even touch those pipes, thinking they were perfectly fine. The old seal just cracked last night, it seems, and he's going to repair it for free. So that's all good. The mopping again last night was NOT all good, but it only took a minute, though.

And that's it. What's it's like...havin' a roni.