What Will Be
Dec. 31st, 2004 06:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oneirophreniaI don't make resolutions for New Year's. I've learned long ago that resolving to do something ultimately means picking something that you must force yourself to do in the next year....I am completely beyond forcing myself to do anything, whether it's for my benefit or my detriment--I am not about the put any major effort into doing anything. If it doesn't come naturally, fuck it.
Here are, however, the things that I will do in the soon-to-be New Year:
1. Finish decorating my house MY WAY...which will probably include a few more stops at the antique stores for more medical paraphrenalia.
2. Finish the revision of Nyarlathotep's first album, Ia!, and shop that bitch out to record labels.
3. Finish the Derek C. F. Pegritz album Malpractice and issue it along with those three ultra-depressing ambient EPs I did last year at this time.
4. Play at DragonCon and terrify the audience.
5. Avoid serious or otherwise "committed" relationships of any sort. I no longer have any need for emotional attachment any further than companionship and friendship. Casual dating, casual companionship, stuff like that are all still open...I'm just not investing even the slightest romantic weight to anything. It's not worth it. I'm now more than convinced that I cannot trust anyone with that much involvement, especially myself.
6. Officially become the best-known and most-requested teacher at Penn State Fayette.
7. Write a good portion of one novel or another...whichever interests me the most.
8. Wipe out 2/3s of humanity for fun and profit using my moon-based Death Lase(tm) array.
9. Sleep a lot.
10. Spend a lot more time at home playing with Christy, watching movies, and reading.
11. Live a healthier lifestyle--completely eliminating booze from my intake. As it now stands, I drink but rarely, and chances are I won't even have more than a beer or two tonight (fancy that...Pegritz, sober on a NYE), but I'm going to cut it all out because my body just patently refuses to deal with it anymore. Plus, I'm not getting any younger...and I'm not getting any healthier.
12a. Remove myself from the serotonin regulators I've been on for the past 6 years. I probably don't need them anymore, but we'll see what my doctor has o say. In concurrence with item 5 above, this shouldn't be a problem at all.
12b. However, due to my ever-increasing rate of anxiety attacks (which run in my family and show up periodically, especially around ultra-stressful events like X-mess 2004), I plan to getting myself addicted to Klonopin, which is the only thing I can take to level out the racing heartbeat, the muscle spasms, the sweats, and the paranoia. Fortunately, I only need to take at most one or two every other day to control this, so it's not that big of a deal.
13. Travel as little as possible (and by travelling I don't mean riding up to Pittsburgh for weekends--I'm talking going to other states [other than West Virginia, which is 20 miles from my house]).
14. Did I mention sleep a lot?
15. And finally...spend a great deal more time alone in the woods around my house, which is something I used to do constantly in the past as a way to center myself, relieve tension, and clear my head...but which I simply haven't been doing as much as I would like to lately thanks to work, girlfriend bullshit, and the like. Well, fuck all that. I plan on stopping up at Ohiopyle at least once a month, if not more, once the weather is no longer arctic.
OK, that's it. 2004 wasn't a bad year, all told: I got a lot done (new Chaos EP, lots of teaching, new car, etc.) and as a whole it was a happy year. It just sucks that it's ending on such a bitter, disheartening note...but all that will pass away and I'll still be there, walking forward as usual, slouched and sneering as always, into the future with a two-by-four on my shoulder and a pocketful of middle fingers and a ton of useful, constructive things to do.
So let's go. Ring in the New Year so I can get started.
Here are, however, the things that I will do in the soon-to-be New Year:
1. Finish decorating my house MY WAY...which will probably include a few more stops at the antique stores for more medical paraphrenalia.
2. Finish the revision of Nyarlathotep's first album, Ia!, and shop that bitch out to record labels.
3. Finish the Derek C. F. Pegritz album Malpractice and issue it along with those three ultra-depressing ambient EPs I did last year at this time.
4. Play at DragonCon and terrify the audience.
5. Avoid serious or otherwise "committed" relationships of any sort. I no longer have any need for emotional attachment any further than companionship and friendship. Casual dating, casual companionship, stuff like that are all still open...I'm just not investing even the slightest romantic weight to anything. It's not worth it. I'm now more than convinced that I cannot trust anyone with that much involvement, especially myself.
6. Officially become the best-known and most-requested teacher at Penn State Fayette.
7. Write a good portion of one novel or another...whichever interests me the most.
8. Wipe out 2/3s of humanity for fun and profit using my moon-based Death Lase(tm) array.
9. Sleep a lot.
10. Spend a lot more time at home playing with Christy, watching movies, and reading.
11. Live a healthier lifestyle--completely eliminating booze from my intake. As it now stands, I drink but rarely, and chances are I won't even have more than a beer or two tonight (fancy that...Pegritz, sober on a NYE), but I'm going to cut it all out because my body just patently refuses to deal with it anymore. Plus, I'm not getting any younger...and I'm not getting any healthier.
12a. Remove myself from the serotonin regulators I've been on for the past 6 years. I probably don't need them anymore, but we'll see what my doctor has o say. In concurrence with item 5 above, this shouldn't be a problem at all.
12b. However, due to my ever-increasing rate of anxiety attacks (which run in my family and show up periodically, especially around ultra-stressful events like X-mess 2004), I plan to getting myself addicted to Klonopin, which is the only thing I can take to level out the racing heartbeat, the muscle spasms, the sweats, and the paranoia. Fortunately, I only need to take at most one or two every other day to control this, so it's not that big of a deal.
13. Travel as little as possible (and by travelling I don't mean riding up to Pittsburgh for weekends--I'm talking going to other states [other than West Virginia, which is 20 miles from my house]).
14. Did I mention sleep a lot?
15. And finally...spend a great deal more time alone in the woods around my house, which is something I used to do constantly in the past as a way to center myself, relieve tension, and clear my head...but which I simply haven't been doing as much as I would like to lately thanks to work, girlfriend bullshit, and the like. Well, fuck all that. I plan on stopping up at Ohiopyle at least once a month, if not more, once the weather is no longer arctic.
OK, that's it. 2004 wasn't a bad year, all told: I got a lot done (new Chaos EP, lots of teaching, new car, etc.) and as a whole it was a happy year. It just sucks that it's ending on such a bitter, disheartening note...but all that will pass away and I'll still be there, walking forward as usual, slouched and sneering as always, into the future with a two-by-four on my shoulder and a pocketful of middle fingers and a ton of useful, constructive things to do.
So let's go. Ring in the New Year so I can get started.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-01 08:13 pm (UTC)it was great to see you last night...this morning.... whatever you call between 10pm and 3am:)
whats this i heard about your crotch feeling the effects of Tesla thru Mari?
no subject
Date: 2005-01-01 08:58 pm (UTC)It was great seeing you again, too, B. You look great, too--much more relaxed and less driven insane.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-01 09:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-01 09:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-01 10:47 pm (UTC)one of my resolutions: to see you more often! you're one of the few sane people i know - and one of the few with social grace.
like our favorite
no subject
Date: 2005-01-02 10:42 pm (UTC)I'm not always sane, mind you...but lately, I've managed to keep the insanity down to a bare minimum--usually involving my recurring visions of Victorian women giving birth to sabre-fanged half-robotic infant monsters. I don't know WHAT is up with *that*! (Actually, I think it's a short story waiting to happen, and my subconscious is trying to plot it out....)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-01 11:37 pm (UTC)