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Your SomethingAwful.com Quote of the Day:
May. 12th, 2004 01:09 pmFrom Simple Dreams from a Very Simple Man:, by Josh "Livestock" Boruff (probably my favorite SA author after Lowtax):
When it comes to dying, I'd like to go out in a bang. I don't mean that I want to explode in a giant confetti shower of blood and guts, but rather that I want my funeral to be memorable enough to be deemed "truly haunting" by those in attendance. I think the best way to make my funeral memorable would be to do it as a delicious buffet. My open casket would be sandwiched betwixt the hot food buffet table and the sundae bar. What about a salad bar you ask? Well that's where my dead body comes in, because I would be surrounded by fresh lettuce ripe for the eating. To make the atmosphere more pleasant, Japanese noise artist Merzbow would provide live music. For the post funeral aspects of death, my final resting place would be marked with a lovely tombstone featuring bite marks carved into it, so as to look like somebody tried to eat it. I think that would be a funny sight to see in the middle of the cemetery, and remind people just how comical death really is.
I tell you people...this guy is on to something. This is so close to my concept of an ideal funeral it is not even remotely funny...although my ideal funeral would involve a buffet of liquor, prescription painkillers, and a bonfire, as well as a full Victorian parade replete with weeping-and-wailing mutes, a black carriage outfitted with five and a half black horses driven by a fellow costumed as Death from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, and a coffin shaped like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
When it comes to dying, I'd like to go out in a bang. I don't mean that I want to explode in a giant confetti shower of blood and guts, but rather that I want my funeral to be memorable enough to be deemed "truly haunting" by those in attendance. I think the best way to make my funeral memorable would be to do it as a delicious buffet. My open casket would be sandwiched betwixt the hot food buffet table and the sundae bar. What about a salad bar you ask? Well that's where my dead body comes in, because I would be surrounded by fresh lettuce ripe for the eating. To make the atmosphere more pleasant, Japanese noise artist Merzbow would provide live music. For the post funeral aspects of death, my final resting place would be marked with a lovely tombstone featuring bite marks carved into it, so as to look like somebody tried to eat it. I think that would be a funny sight to see in the middle of the cemetery, and remind people just how comical death really is.
I tell you people...this guy is on to something. This is so close to my concept of an ideal funeral it is not even remotely funny...although my ideal funeral would involve a buffet of liquor, prescription painkillers, and a bonfire, as well as a full Victorian parade replete with weeping-and-wailing mutes, a black carriage outfitted with five and a half black horses driven by a fellow costumed as Death from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, and a coffin shaped like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
