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oneirophreniaThis is the next generation's Micky and Mallory?
For those of you who don't know, this 14-year-old girl met some teenage guy via MySpace, and then got him to shoot her parents, after which they absquatchulated to Indiana and were finally captured by police after a high-speed "Indiana Wants Me"-style car chase.
The fucked-up thing is: both of the teenyboppers listed JESUS and CHRISTIAN as some of their primary interests. I can just see it now: the chick's on her knees by her bed, praying one night, and suddenly the room swells with golden light and there--right there--on her bed, Jesus H. Christ His Own Bad Self is reclining in his white robe and unkempt beard! He reaches out toward the stunned young girl and suddenly the room begins to thud with vicious oldskool industrial beats and Jesus launches into a showstopping cover of X-Marks the Pedwalk's "Abattoir"--"BLOW YOUR PARENTS AWAY. LOOK AT THEIR DECAY!" Next thing you know, he vanishes and the girl experiences an unstoppable urge to update her website and find some blockheaded boychild to whack her 'rents because, well, she's a little girl who likes to wear pink, and even if Jesus Himself ordered her to send her parents right to him for processing, it's not like, like, she could, like, u know do it herself so cud u do it for me <3 <3 <3?
That dude better have gotten at least a hummer out of the deal. But he probably didn't because...well, I'm no Christian, but I do believe that all aspects of the suckity-fuckity are proscribed for unmarried youngsters under their rules--so if she even blew him, they'd both be guilty of Sin 14 subsin 5 and therefore would no longer be elligible for Fast Track triage at the Gates of Heaven.
For those of you who don't know, this 14-year-old girl met some teenage guy via MySpace, and then got him to shoot her parents, after which they absquatchulated to Indiana and were finally captured by police after a high-speed "Indiana Wants Me"-style car chase.
The fucked-up thing is: both of the teenyboppers listed JESUS and CHRISTIAN as some of their primary interests. I can just see it now: the chick's on her knees by her bed, praying one night, and suddenly the room swells with golden light and there--right there--on her bed, Jesus H. Christ His Own Bad Self is reclining in his white robe and unkempt beard! He reaches out toward the stunned young girl and suddenly the room begins to thud with vicious oldskool industrial beats and Jesus launches into a showstopping cover of X-Marks the Pedwalk's "Abattoir"--"BLOW YOUR PARENTS AWAY. LOOK AT THEIR DECAY!" Next thing you know, he vanishes and the girl experiences an unstoppable urge to update her website and find some blockheaded boychild to whack her 'rents because, well, she's a little girl who likes to wear pink, and even if Jesus Himself ordered her to send her parents right to him for processing, it's not like, like, she could, like, u know do it herself so cud u do it for me <3 <3 <3?
That dude better have gotten at least a hummer out of the deal. But he probably didn't because...well, I'm no Christian, but I do believe that all aspects of the suckity-fuckity are proscribed for unmarried youngsters under their rules--so if she even blew him, they'd both be guilty of Sin 14 subsin 5 and therefore would no longer be elligible for Fast Track triage at the Gates of Heaven.
