Vampire Voting Bloc

No, this does not involve Fred. But I wish it did!

Minnesota is the state of former pro-wrestlers running for office. Now there's a vampire guy running.

If you want the hardcore scoop, though, you gots to roll on over to this most excellent site called Kitty Time News, for which I've been writing for a while now. It's completely awesome, especially if you like news about kitties and vampires. See...'cause it's Real Goth. There's even a picture of a black cat on the site! FRIDAY THE 13th REPRAZENT.

Also, if you want to add KittyTime's LJ feed directly to your friends list, just click here. See, we're all about providing you wi8th the maximum level of convenience that the American consumers is perfectly accustomed to. We are good capitalists!

Out from behind The Wall

So tonight, I'm going to try something Completely Different:

I'm going to watch Pink Floyd's The Wall...AND I'M NOT COMPLETELY MISERABLE!

See, heretofore, I've only ever watched The Wall when unbearably miserable and wrapped all about in my own Wall (which is still there, mind you, but I've left the gate open for some time now to air out my quarters within). But I'm most definitely not miserable now....Haven't been for a while, actually. My bones haven't been giving me much trouble lately, I'm perfectly happy with my job situation (meager though it currently be), I'm seeing a truly wonderful girl whom I actually like, I've got plenty of food and my cat's purring on my lap. It doesn't get much better than this. Or maybe I've just finally hit the true comfortably numb stage. Regardless, now I've got to watch The Wall to see what I might spot in it, or appreciate in it, from a different mental viewpoint than usual.

And later on, I'm going to try to finish another Malpractice song. Don't worry, though, it won't be in some lame-ass major key.

More on Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey!

OMG, SomethingAwful.com says it all about Mr. Sharkey:

I would expect this sort of site from a half-serious teenage goth, but this guy looks to be middle-aged, dresses in suits and has a PhD. That doesn't mean that he isn't hilarious, just that this seems to be a serious attempt to run for office. I say: good for him. In fact, I think having a vampyre and witch as the President would possibly be the coolest thing ever. He's definitely from outside the beltway unless we're talking about some sort of druidic healing gusset and I think a bloodthirsty majik-wielding creature of the night is just the sort of thing we need to shake up America's stagnant corporate-run oligarchy.

Can you imagine how entertaining this guy's State of the Union Addresses would be? There would be flocks of bats circling around the candle-light interior of the Capitol and chanting monks in black and red robes would flank him on either side. All of his cabinet would be hot latex fetish chicks with fake fangs and vinyl lingerie. It would be worth risking the ruin of our country for four years just to see how the fuck CNN would cover him. I can imagine Wolf Blitzer stammering in the situation room as some eyebrowless high priest of a PR rep talks about blood rituals.

Maybe Republicans would realize letting people have gay marriages and teach evolution isn't so bad and Democrats will realize that handguns and lower taxes aren't such a terrible thing if The Impaler is putting the heads of executed criminals on pikes outside the White House. And of course the American people win all around because we'll have a lot of laughs, plenty of great memories and the Impaler can't care any less about us than any of these other idiots. Vote Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey for governor and President!

HELLZ. YEAH.