Alien vs. My Ass
Aug. 13th, 2004 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oneirophreniaSimply put: Alien vs. Predator ate my ass. Thank the Other Gods I saw a free showing of it (for which many thanks, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
inmostlight), because I doubt if I could ever justify paying money to see it. At first, after coming out of the theatre, my primary reaction was: ehh...dumb, but fun. And, yes, it was fun...but so is playing Doom 3, and Doom3 actually has better depth of character development, better effects, and more action.
Here's the deal: I wasn't expecting high art here, folks. But I did expect a film that would at least live up to the examples and the plotlines established by the Predator and Alien films (minus Alien 4, which not only ate my ass but shat it out and ate it again). This cat-turd of a film completely flaunted the Alien and Predator mythoi invented throughout the separate films (and the comic books, as well) in favor of a patheticly ludicrous von-Daniken/Graham-Hancock-esque backstory that led up to a present-day confrontation between Predators and Aliens that was nothing if not ABSOLUTELY ANTICLIMACTIC.
The alien queen vs. predator battle was fairly interesting: the FX were nicely-done, the pace was frenetic, and it just looked nice...but were there any other decent AVP battles or scenes? Not really. The human characters weren't even characters: they were simply filler. The dialogue was atrocious, the plot absurd and stacked full of awful horror-movie cliches (the obligatory tunnel-fight, the obligatory dude-who-just-miraculously-can-read-ancient-preAztec-Aztec-hieroglyphs, the obligatory set-up-the-even-shittier-than-the-original-sequel ending))...in short, the script ate my ass, and therefore, so did the film.
Yes, it's a fun movie to watch while it's happening...but afterwards, it leaves a very shallow, disappointed taste in the mouth. You know, if they would've just filmed the original Alien vs. Predator comic, it would've worked. Or created a whole new story in which the Predators dropped an alien queen in some small, remote town and then came down to have fun with the hunt. That would've been sufficient, too. But c'mon, folks--the Predators as the Godly Charioteers who gave humans civilization and architecture?
That may, as I have stated before, devour my posterior.
Iced-tea is now drunk. Annoying people are filling up the Beehive. Off I go to further my nightly career!
inmostlight), because I doubt if I could ever justify paying money to see it. At first, after coming out of the theatre, my primary reaction was: ehh...dumb, but fun. And, yes, it was fun...but so is playing Doom 3, and Doom3 actually has better depth of character development, better effects, and more action.Here's the deal: I wasn't expecting high art here, folks. But I did expect a film that would at least live up to the examples and the plotlines established by the Predator and Alien films (minus Alien 4, which not only ate my ass but shat it out and ate it again). This cat-turd of a film completely flaunted the Alien and Predator mythoi invented throughout the separate films (and the comic books, as well) in favor of a patheticly ludicrous von-Daniken/Graham-Hancock-esque backstory that led up to a present-day confrontation between Predators and Aliens that was nothing if not ABSOLUTELY ANTICLIMACTIC.
The alien queen vs. predator battle was fairly interesting: the FX were nicely-done, the pace was frenetic, and it just looked nice...but were there any other decent AVP battles or scenes? Not really. The human characters weren't even characters: they were simply filler. The dialogue was atrocious, the plot absurd and stacked full of awful horror-movie cliches (the obligatory tunnel-fight, the obligatory dude-who-just-miraculously-can-read-ancient-preAztec-Aztec-hieroglyphs, the obligatory set-up-the-even-shittier-than-the-original-sequel ending))...in short, the script ate my ass, and therefore, so did the film.
Yes, it's a fun movie to watch while it's happening...but afterwards, it leaves a very shallow, disappointed taste in the mouth. You know, if they would've just filmed the original Alien vs. Predator comic, it would've worked. Or created a whole new story in which the Predators dropped an alien queen in some small, remote town and then came down to have fun with the hunt. That would've been sufficient, too. But c'mon, folks--the Predators as the Godly Charioteers who gave humans civilization and architecture?
That may, as I have stated before, devour my posterior.
Iced-tea is now drunk. Annoying people are filling up the Beehive. Off I go to further my nightly career!
