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Fuck the Debate.
Sep. 29th, 2004 12:23 pmMan...I still have nearly fifteen papers left to grade--but, fortunately, they aren't all that big and I have plenty of time today to do it. Before I grind into that, though, I've got an Issue that I need to stomp into the ground.
Gods know, I've got Issues with damnear everything on earth, but there's one Issue of late that has me seething: Why even bother having a presidential "debate" when all it's going to be is a Mr. America competition?!
Howard Stern made a really good point this morning (inbetween talking about amputee beauty pageants and gigantic throbbing radioactive hamster hemorrhoids): The upcoming presidential debates are going to be little more than a pageant of style over substance. Blockhead Kerry has gone out and gotten himself a fakebake tan just for the occasion so he looks more like a surfer dude to swing the "young vote," I guess. George W. Fuckwit has been practicing his downhome, good ol' boy laugh and his plastic-ass populist awwww-shucks-ma grin and has apparently handed down a list o questions and whatnot he simply will not discuss. This isn't going to be a debate, it's going to be a back-to-back set of speeches before, during, and after which the candidates will strut about the platform in the evening gown, swimsuit, and Command-in-Chief uniform competitions.
This election is a fucking joke, people. And why is it a joke? Because the American people are so fucking shallow and slackjawed stupid that they will not give a rat's patoot about witnessing a clash of actual, hardhitting issues...but they sure will care about which candidate presents the best image of being America's Big Cheese. Both candidates know--they know--that the way to win the election is to do what Ronald Fucking Reagan, the Very Kingpin of Image Without Substance (gods rot his miserable, Alzheimer's-riddled soul for a billion years in the feculent duodenum of Hell), did throughout the '80s: give the rubes someone they can like and get behind, someone who'll give 'em a downhome smile and a few jokes all the while sending their children to be blown up and shot to pieces in a worthless Middle-Eastern rectum of a country that was never even a threat to us in the first place.
Go ahead, W--smile away! Pat some backs, claps some shoulders, shake some hands and kiss some babies. And good idea, there, Mr. Frankenkerry--you finally took a stand on something: to tan or not to tan! Good thing you chose "to tan," because now all the people in California and all the kids who watch MTV and like to see a nice, bronzed man with a big thick head leading them will vote for you! That's how you win an election, boys!
So here's what I say to the American public:
Vote for the guy who looks to nicest. The guy who inspires you the most with his fresh-ass haircut and his Armani suits. Vote for the guy who says the most comforting, soul-stirring things...the feller who tells you that everything will be allright because, goshdarnit it, we're America, and nothing can stop America! Not even a bunch of terrorists whom no one has been able to catch yet! We're America and we're here to make the world FREE, FREE, FREE-deedee-dee-dee with our big ol' tanks and our big ol' planes and our big ol' buckets of redblooded American blood! Vote for the guy who presents the prettiest picture of the future, because, really, who cares about the reality of our situation? America don't need no steenkin' allies! We'll get those bad ol' terrorists eventually! In the meantime...who wants a tax break?! We can pay for all the healthcare we could ever need with another TAX BREAK!
Hey...you. Yeah, you: John Q. Public. C'mere, I gotta tell you something....
FUCK YOU.
You are a goddamned idiot blinded by happy tales and lies. If you think even vaguely like I believe you do--and I'm sure I am right, as you are such a simple creature that even a third-grader could pinpoint you in an instant--then you don't even deserve to vote. You're a fucking embarassment to democracy; you are the complete antithesis of the educated voting public that Thomas Jefferson identified as the most fundamental element in making a true democracy work. Tear up your voter registration, get a nice big septum-ring installed in your nose, clip a leash to it, and then hand the leash over to the Candidate With The Nicest Spiel. You don't belong in a democracy, you belong in a factory, since all you are is a mindless, starry-eyed cog in some professional bullshit artist's campaign/self-aggrandizement machine.
Me? I'm going to keep reading every online news source I can get my hands on--reputable or not--so I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, everything that I could possible know about these two candidates concerning their stands on Issues of Actual Fucking Importance to Myself and Other American Citizens: our teetertottering economy, our ludicrous healthcare situation, our floundering foreign policy (if we even have one anymore, that is), and of course this Vietnam-without-the-Jungle-Rot we call an occupation of Iraq. I may not know everything--I tend to overlook really obvious shit sometime--but I certainly try to stay as well-informed as I can so that come November 2nd I'll be able to cast a vote with reasonable confidence that my vote is expressing my appreciation of some candidate's prospects as the leader of this vast but sinking ship.
Gods know, I've got Issues with damnear everything on earth, but there's one Issue of late that has me seething: Why even bother having a presidential "debate" when all it's going to be is a Mr. America competition?!
Howard Stern made a really good point this morning (inbetween talking about amputee beauty pageants and gigantic throbbing radioactive hamster hemorrhoids): The upcoming presidential debates are going to be little more than a pageant of style over substance. Blockhead Kerry has gone out and gotten himself a fakebake tan just for the occasion so he looks more like a surfer dude to swing the "young vote," I guess. George W. Fuckwit has been practicing his downhome, good ol' boy laugh and his plastic-ass populist awwww-shucks-ma grin and has apparently handed down a list o questions and whatnot he simply will not discuss. This isn't going to be a debate, it's going to be a back-to-back set of speeches before, during, and after which the candidates will strut about the platform in the evening gown, swimsuit, and Command-in-Chief uniform competitions.
This election is a fucking joke, people. And why is it a joke? Because the American people are so fucking shallow and slackjawed stupid that they will not give a rat's patoot about witnessing a clash of actual, hardhitting issues...but they sure will care about which candidate presents the best image of being America's Big Cheese. Both candidates know--they know--that the way to win the election is to do what Ronald Fucking Reagan, the Very Kingpin of Image Without Substance (gods rot his miserable, Alzheimer's-riddled soul for a billion years in the feculent duodenum of Hell), did throughout the '80s: give the rubes someone they can like and get behind, someone who'll give 'em a downhome smile and a few jokes all the while sending their children to be blown up and shot to pieces in a worthless Middle-Eastern rectum of a country that was never even a threat to us in the first place.
Go ahead, W--smile away! Pat some backs, claps some shoulders, shake some hands and kiss some babies. And good idea, there, Mr. Frankenkerry--you finally took a stand on something: to tan or not to tan! Good thing you chose "to tan," because now all the people in California and all the kids who watch MTV and like to see a nice, bronzed man with a big thick head leading them will vote for you! That's how you win an election, boys!
So here's what I say to the American public:
Vote for the guy who looks to nicest. The guy who inspires you the most with his fresh-ass haircut and his Armani suits. Vote for the guy who says the most comforting, soul-stirring things...the feller who tells you that everything will be allright because, goshdarnit it, we're America, and nothing can stop America! Not even a bunch of terrorists whom no one has been able to catch yet! We're America and we're here to make the world FREE, FREE, FREE-deedee-dee-dee with our big ol' tanks and our big ol' planes and our big ol' buckets of redblooded American blood! Vote for the guy who presents the prettiest picture of the future, because, really, who cares about the reality of our situation? America don't need no steenkin' allies! We'll get those bad ol' terrorists eventually! In the meantime...who wants a tax break?! We can pay for all the healthcare we could ever need with another TAX BREAK!
Hey...you. Yeah, you: John Q. Public. C'mere, I gotta tell you something....
FUCK YOU.
You are a goddamned idiot blinded by happy tales and lies. If you think even vaguely like I believe you do--and I'm sure I am right, as you are such a simple creature that even a third-grader could pinpoint you in an instant--then you don't even deserve to vote. You're a fucking embarassment to democracy; you are the complete antithesis of the educated voting public that Thomas Jefferson identified as the most fundamental element in making a true democracy work. Tear up your voter registration, get a nice big septum-ring installed in your nose, clip a leash to it, and then hand the leash over to the Candidate With The Nicest Spiel. You don't belong in a democracy, you belong in a factory, since all you are is a mindless, starry-eyed cog in some professional bullshit artist's campaign/self-aggrandizement machine.
Me? I'm going to keep reading every online news source I can get my hands on--reputable or not--so I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, everything that I could possible know about these two candidates concerning their stands on Issues of Actual Fucking Importance to Myself and Other American Citizens: our teetertottering economy, our ludicrous healthcare situation, our floundering foreign policy (if we even have one anymore, that is), and of course this Vietnam-without-the-Jungle-Rot we call an occupation of Iraq. I may not know everything--I tend to overlook really obvious shit sometime--but I certainly try to stay as well-informed as I can so that come November 2nd I'll be able to cast a vote with reasonable confidence that my vote is expressing my appreciation of some candidate's prospects as the leader of this vast but sinking ship.
