Ladies and Gentlemen...American Idiocy, Part Deux

[oneirophrenia]

Woohoo! Indiana, you be my new favorite den of wannabe-amish plutocrats! Our good friends in the state o' Indiana have come up with a brilliant new piece of legislation inherently outlawing "nonmarried women" or somesuch from taking advantage of artificial insemination technologies because...well, them unmarried hussies is just an a-front to th' Lord. They're almost as bad as them sodomites and them crazy mixed-up morphodites.

Please fuck me gently with a chainsaw. I thought Bushy II von Dummkopfhaus rang the idiot bell with Harriet Miers when he nominated her gun-totin' bible-believin' no-experiencin' ass for the Supreme Court, but, honestly, this "unauthorized reproduction" hoopla in Indiana just takes the cake, loads it into a replica Civil-War-era cannon, and shoots it right to the moon (which, I assume, the good legislators of Indiana believe to be made out of bleu cheese).

UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION! Damn, boys, you're sounding a bit like ol' Mr. Pegritz over here....One of New Traditionalism's core doctrines is, of course, that most people are too goddamned stupid to breed, and that extensive IQ and genetic testing are necessary to determine whether or not a given individual can be allowed to reproduce. But, see, New Traditionalism's Doctrine of Eugenics is entirely based around one simple ideal: elimination of stupidity. (The Middle American death camps are another measure, but we don't need to get into that just yet, at least until the Not-Quite-Final Solution is properly ratified by the Committee of People Better Than You.) As stated before, stupidity is something that crosses all bounds of religion, race, ethnicity, skincolor, brain and penis size, and so forth. The only thing more trivial than the aforementioned factors in determining whether or not a person can reproduce is whether or not that person is married.

Marriage under New Traditionalism is seen as little more than a joke concocted by centuries of blockheads who fell for the Myth of True Love and/or were desperate for an excuse to have a big party involving a very large cake. The last fifty years of social progress in the US has proven that marriage is a joke. If you need even more convincing, I give you The Sad Ballad of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. And just so you homosexuals out there don't feel left out, gay marriage is just as much a joke as straight marriage, so forget campaigning for it--you're better off spending your time and money on gay porn than gay marriage.

So Indiana believes that an unmarried woman shouldn't be allowed to get the ol' turkey-baster treatment to fertilize her barren fields. Brilliant. That's like requiring that you prove you don't have a drop of black blood in you in order to fill up your car's gas tank at the pump--LUDICROUS! What fucking year do the Indianans think this is? 1895? Next thing you know they'll be writing up laws that require candidates for public office to sign affidavits affirming that they're not, nor have they ever been, a member of the Communist Party, the Democratic Party, the Catholic Chuch, NAACP, NAMBLA, the ACLU, or Any Religion Not Recognizing the Sanctity of Marriage....Also, I wouldn't be surprised to see an amendment added to the reproduction law outlawing women who are fans of the Harry Potter series from getting inseminated.

GAH! First people are trying to sneak creationism into classrooms by calling it "Intelligent Design." Then there's "stealth evangelism" going on at the Mall in DC.* I just bet James Dobson from Focus on the Family has his grubby mits on this Indiana law somehow....I think it's time for a New Traditionalist Anti-Crusade.

(*Seriously, though....I have no problem at all with evangelistic events--even when held on public property [after all, the property is public, which means anyone can use it, right?]--AS LONG AS those events are billed as such. THat has nothing to do with religion, folks. It's called "Truth in Advertising." Or, better yet, simple Honesty. I'll admit, I don't trust evangelicals. And "stealth evangelism" events are one of the big reasons why.)

Comments

[theantidj.livejournal.com]

IANAL, however, I've played one on TV. If this legislation is as you've said it is (I tried to read it, really I did. My head started to hurt), I have no doubt that it would be found unconstitutional by the first court that hears a case on it. I'm pretty sure this goes against just about any supreme court preceident in related matters. People have the right to conceive and they don't have to be married. I'm pretty sure that even the most conservative justice that could possibly get appointed to the supreme court would have to concede that fact.