Anne Rice, Bible-Beater

[oneirophrenia]

Just when you thought she could not POSSIBLY get more annoying, Anne Rice has given herself to God.

You heard me. She's become a sort of "born-again Catholic," or pseudo-gnostic, or something ridiculous like that.

Now, let me tell you....There are a lot of great Catholic writers out there. ANNE RICE IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

Her next book is about a seven-year-old Jesus leaving the Holy Land or somesuch shit, and it's called Out of Egypt. Wait. Wasn't Moses the one who left Egypt? C'mon, my Hebrew homies, confirm this for a goy. I swear Moses had something to do with Egypt and Jesus had something to do with getting nailed to a tree or whatever.

Yeah. A book told from the POV of a 7-year-old Messiah-to-be. He'd better be preternaturally sharp for his age, or the entire book will be formed of lines like: "I went weewee on the rock. Mommy said I was bad. She said Daddy was everywhere and when I went weewee on that rock I went weewee on Daddy. SORRY DADDY!"

Shit...at least if it was written that way it might be worth reading for shits n' giggles.

Comments

[fkmedocrity.livejournal.com]

Thanks pegritz...now I have to shake my keyboard out because of the garlic breads crumbs that spewed out of my mouth when I read: "She said Daddy was everywhere and when I went weewee on that rock I went weewee on Daddy. SORRY DADDY!"
I read that article earlier today and spent about ten minutes shaking my head and saying "No, no...NO!"

Re: Buy the book

[oneirophrenia.livejournal.com]

Holy shite, that sounds like SUCH an awesome idea!

But, hell, I'll just save myself the trouble of buying it byb reading a summary of it on the Web and doing my own version based on that. I'll call it "Nails in the Future Make the Baby Jesus Cry."

[rapier1.livejournal.com]

Actually, after the birth of Jesus Joseph and Mary fled to Egypt with Jesus (Joshua really) to escape Herod. I *think* James was born in Egypt. Eventiually they returned to Israel, I think by the time he was 12. If she is writing about the childhood then she is probably doing a reworking of the Gospel of Thomas - which is an iffy little text.

As for the wee wee bit. That sort of God is everywhere thing really came out of the Essene tradition and not mainstream Judaism (its also an outgrowth of the Platonist view that the more mystical of the eastern mystic sects used). Since Jesus is from the house of David his family probably wasn't involved with the Essenes. So the God in and of all things wouldn't be familiar to Jesus until probably his interactions with John the Baptist. No sooner than his early 20s.

[oneirophrenia.livejournal.com]

Actually, after I posted the above, I finished reading the article on Rice and it mentioned she has an interest in the Apocrypha and Gnostic texts. Now, I don't think it mentioned any particulars, but I would *think* she's either inspired by the "Childhood" gospels and Thomas in particular; but it's been a loooooooooong time since I read either, and I can't recall if either explicitly mentions a sojourn in Egypt. popejeremy will be able to weigh in on that one, most likely! :)

And, man, why you gots to whizz on my funny-ha-ha weewee-on-God specialness?! As a dyed-in-the-wool heathen and writer of ludicrous tripe, I reserve my eternal right to play fast and loose with all manner of historical details, including--perhaps--even the obvious fact that Jesus of Nazareth was married to Mary Magdalene and produced issue who eventually became the Merrovingian dynasties. I tell you this is true because I read it in a book someplace! A book about "Holy Cow" and the "Holy Chain Mail", or something.

[(Anonymous)]

Depends on which "Gnostic" texts you're talking about. There's more than a few - more than a few dozen in fact, but if you're talking about The Infancy Gospel Of Thomas, then there's no Egypt in there.

[jdecay.livejournal.com]

Hah-hah-hah!

It's not like she's written anything worthwhile in twenty years or so. Literary history would've been much kinder to her if she had retired and lived off her laurels a long time ago.

[oneirophrenia.livejournal.com]

If the bitch would've quit after Interview with the Vampire, she'd be regarded as a full-fledged member of the horror canon today, rather than as it's Jayne Ann Krentz or Jackie Collins. Anne Rice is like a scriptwriter for some godsawful pseudo-Gothy version of Desperate Housewives, for mook's sake.

[blackcatbon.livejournal.com]

if it turns out anything like her book "The Mummy: Ramses the Damned" there will be lots of crazy naked eqyptian sex scenes.... maybe she'll suprise us!

[chuchotement.livejournal.com]

(What I found most amusing about this post was the fact that you used the word preternaturally, and Rice uses it...oh...about every other paragraph or so. It used to drive me insane.)