Why am I not gay?

[oneirophrenia]

Feminine You scored 46 masculinity and 56 femininity!

You scored high on femininity and low on masculinity. You have a traditionally feminine personality.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 14% on masculinity You scored higher than 39% on femininity

Link: The Bem Sex Role Inventory Test written by weirdscience on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Like, seriously....I was talking about this with beeporama last night at Ceremony. Life would be so much easier for me were I a poofter...but it is just not to be: my genes say STRAIGHT no matter how much gay-bar house music I listen to or how many of my friends I've smooched for humor's sake while drunk.

Speaking of the gay-bar, though--I've been on this mad house music frenzy lately, and I picked up three most excellent disco/house comps at the Record Exchange in Squill yesterday. I grew up on disco--my mother bought me tons of disco 45s when I was a wee lad in the late '70s, and I maintained my love for the genre all through the '80s and '90s and still espouse an undying love for the Village People, Donna Summer, Barry Motherfucking White, The Trammps, the Bee Gees, and--of course--Cerrone, who wrote what I consider to be the first ever industrial dance song, "Supernature." As a matter of fact, one of the reasons I love New Wave so much is, well, New Wave is what you get when you combine elements of punk and disco. House music is a direct outgrowth of disco: it's basically what disco became in the computer age, when you no longer needed a 20-person band to kick out a funky jam. It's disco lite. Simplified disco. And, in some cases, it's simplified too much and becomes boring. But...most of the house music I listen to is, yes, fairly repetitive when it comes to beat--all dance music ultimately is--but holy shit is it infectious, fun, and funk-ay when done right! House music does not try to shroud itself in any kind of false respectability or avant garde posing like so many other forms of electronic music: it is unabashedly designed to hit your in the ass-bone and make you want to boogie. The end. It's fun music for having fun to. And it's best when it is gayer than the gayest of all gays--when it's laden with diva vocals, porno bass, and wakkachickawakkachicka guitars...not to mention the highly-shuffled hihats and the insistent synth-claps on the 2 and the 4.

After Malpractice is goddamned well done, the next solo work I'm going to do is a totally 100% gay-bar house album under the name DJ Heauxmeaux. I think it will be called Heauxmeaux Sex You All! and will probably be an exploration of the history of the dadaist movement set to the gayest house beats you can imagine. I think I will film a video for the song "Chunky Fish Cushion and the Karl Marx Settee" and it will feature nothing but me dressed up as a chicken wandering around in Pegasus pinching guys' butts.

imightbegaye and digitalwank, be varned! This album will outgay even you two. THIS I SWEAR!

Comments

[dj-lollidrop.livejournal.com]

the next solo work I'm going to do is a totally 100% gay-bar house album under the name DJ Heauxmeaux

omg, I think I just died laughing. :-P

[laceration.livejournal.com]

hey, i was working yesterday. i certainly did not see you there, jerk.

This is the meme you really need.

[k3llya.livejournal.com]

Your name even showed up in it when I took it!

Oh Great Cthulhu!

I have been an extremely industrious devotee this year.

Yesterday, I made a burnt offering to the Dead Dreamer (100 points). In June, I prepared an ocean voyage to R'lyeh (200 points). In October, I rescued oneirophrenia from being sacrificed (-200 points). In May, I legally changed my name to Randolph Carter (-40 points). In March, I bombed a cultist gathering (-100 points). In January, I stopped azoic from defiling Lovecraft's grave (-20 points).

In short, I have been very bad (-60 points) and deserve to be sent to sleep with the Deep Ones.

Your humble and obedient servant,
k3llya

Submit your own plea to Cthulhu!

Name some friends or leave them blank and let me look them up myself:

[blackcatbon.livejournal.com]

dude if you make a gay jam album, you BETTER do some Djin at Pegasus:) would be mighty funky times!