Kdney Fun at the ER
Feb. 11th, 2006 02:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oneirophreniaI just got home a little while ago after spending the last seven or so hours at the uniontown hospital er. i woke up at, like, 4 this morning with my back fucking KILLING me. i remember thinking, what the hell...did my cat kick me in the back or something, or did I just sleep really crooked and develop a muscle spasm? but it kept getting worse...and it suddenly hit me: jesus christ--i'm squeezing out another kidney stone. I haven't been troubled by them since the big one when i was fifteen, but that is one pain yo NEVER forget.
i couldn't drive so my mother had to drive me in to the hospital. whereupon I sat in the waityingroom for an hour and a half until they could find me a room. then i had to wait another hour and a half for someone to see me. by which point i was gnawing on the mohterfucking guardrails of the bed and screaming bloody murder. they diagnosed me quickly, scheduled some tests, and then brought me some demerol. glorious, glorious opiates. that made the pain go away, and took away most of my consciousness as well. they took me for x-rays and an iodine-dye test (i now smell like iodine because i'm sweating and whizzing the stuff out), but couldn't see anything major, so they took me back to the room and gave me lots of water to drink, which i chugged like a frat boy doing keg stands. soon enough, i was pissing like a race horse and i noticed this tiny--virtually unnoticeable little gray mote floating in my whizz. The fucker was so small you could barely even see it--it looked like a fleck of dust. so they took it to the lab, tested it, and, yep, that was the culprit. it felt like it was the size of a goddamned goflball when it was squeezing through my ureter, but it wasn't even a millimeter. son of a bitch. you have no idea how terrified i was of having to shoot something golfball-sized through my wang, but when the damn thing came out i didn't even feel it.
so they shot me full of more demerol and sent me home. my kidney's still a little tender, but eh. i feel pretty okay now. thank you, C17H19N03 derivatives.
i'm going to sleep now. I should still be out at Ceremony tonight, but right now I just need to go into a coma for a few hours.
i couldn't drive so my mother had to drive me in to the hospital. whereupon I sat in the waityingroom for an hour and a half until they could find me a room. then i had to wait another hour and a half for someone to see me. by which point i was gnawing on the mohterfucking guardrails of the bed and screaming bloody murder. they diagnosed me quickly, scheduled some tests, and then brought me some demerol. glorious, glorious opiates. that made the pain go away, and took away most of my consciousness as well. they took me for x-rays and an iodine-dye test (i now smell like iodine because i'm sweating and whizzing the stuff out), but couldn't see anything major, so they took me back to the room and gave me lots of water to drink, which i chugged like a frat boy doing keg stands. soon enough, i was pissing like a race horse and i noticed this tiny--virtually unnoticeable little gray mote floating in my whizz. The fucker was so small you could barely even see it--it looked like a fleck of dust. so they took it to the lab, tested it, and, yep, that was the culprit. it felt like it was the size of a goddamned goflball when it was squeezing through my ureter, but it wasn't even a millimeter. son of a bitch. you have no idea how terrified i was of having to shoot something golfball-sized through my wang, but when the damn thing came out i didn't even feel it.
so they shot me full of more demerol and sent me home. my kidney's still a little tender, but eh. i feel pretty okay now. thank you, C17H19N03 derivatives.
i'm going to sleep now. I should still be out at Ceremony tonight, but right now I just need to go into a coma for a few hours.
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Date: 2006-02-12 10:10 pm (UTC)My renal calculi (I love those words) are all calcium-based, too...so they're like jagged little thorns--hence the pain. The one I pissed out yesterday was, at best, the size of the period at the end of this sentence. You would've thought the fucker was the size and shape of the killer asteroid in Armageddon. Fortunately, though, the X-rays and whatnot showed nothing really visible in my kidneys...so I just need to drink a lot of water to constantly flush the tiny little demons out so they don't form anything bigger and badder.
I am the veritable King of Piss today. My bladder has sent a note to me just asking, "WHY?!?!"