(no subject)
Apr. 24th, 2004 03:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oneirophreniaI just spent the evening getting shit drunk, dancing to all manner of oldskool electro songs, going out to Eat n' Park afterwards with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
blackcatbon and sobering up a little too fast for my own good, and coming back to the Shadyhaus to check the ol' LiveJournal only to realize that my heart has, yet again, been completely, utterly broken.
I am a fucking idiot, folks. Most of y'all already know this, sure, but...let me offer you some incontrovertible proof just in case any of you may still believe me roughly sane:
What in the gods' names possessed me to fall so fucking hard for someone I've never even met...even if she is the one person who has shared more common ground with me than anyone else ever has and has been more truthful with me than anyone? Who has been kinder to me in many ways than most people I know? Whom I honestly felt like I was not risking my neck in loving? I truly must have been insane. Nothing like that could ever happen to me. Well...I wish her all the best--I truly do: I want nothing more than for her to be gloriously happy, but...I think it's time for me to just quietly close the door on this, turn all the locks again, shut off the lights, and...forget it all.
Just forget it.
At this point, I very seriously don't think I can be refurbished anymore. I don't think I can be repaired anymore--I'm feeling a lot like my car these days: I've rebuilt so much of myself using junkyard parts I'm honestly terrified of stressing it or myself too much for fear that some rusted goddamned gear is just going to blow while I'm driving and that will be that. I rather wish it would just fucking happen already.
Sorry, but this coin-operated boy just welded his coin-slot shut. Just let me rust in peace, please. You know who you are.
blackcatbon and sobering up a little too fast for my own good, and coming back to the Shadyhaus to check the ol' LiveJournal only to realize that my heart has, yet again, been completely, utterly broken.I am a fucking idiot, folks. Most of y'all already know this, sure, but...let me offer you some incontrovertible proof just in case any of you may still believe me roughly sane:
What in the gods' names possessed me to fall so fucking hard for someone I've never even met...even if she is the one person who has shared more common ground with me than anyone else ever has and has been more truthful with me than anyone? Who has been kinder to me in many ways than most people I know? Whom I honestly felt like I was not risking my neck in loving? I truly must have been insane. Nothing like that could ever happen to me. Well...I wish her all the best--I truly do: I want nothing more than for her to be gloriously happy, but...I think it's time for me to just quietly close the door on this, turn all the locks again, shut off the lights, and...forget it all.
Just forget it.
At this point, I very seriously don't think I can be refurbished anymore. I don't think I can be repaired anymore--I'm feeling a lot like my car these days: I've rebuilt so much of myself using junkyard parts I'm honestly terrified of stressing it or myself too much for fear that some rusted goddamned gear is just going to blow while I'm driving and that will be that. I rather wish it would just fucking happen already.
Sorry, but this coin-operated boy just welded his coin-slot shut. Just let me rust in peace, please. You know who you are.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-04-24 03:58 pm (UTC)It happens to the best of us, Derek... and it doesn't make you an idiot.
In a parallel universe, Naomi Watts IS NOT afraid of her love for me...
Don't beat yourself up, man, and don't go disappearing. That's only going to isolate you from the people who care about you.
SWH
no subject
Date: 2004-04-25 09:13 pm (UTC)