Duty Now for the Future!

[oneirophrenia]

OK, so here's something I've been thinking about for a few weeks now: setting up a website for my "political party," the New Traditionalist Party. We all know what New Traditionalism stands for, right? It's basically Ultra-Moderate Fascism, of a sort, with a strong undercurrent of despising the stupid and parodying everything the Far Right and the Far Left babble about. I am, of course, the Absolute Dictator of New Traditionalism...but if I'd put together a website for the whole thing, I'd like other committed Ultra-Moderate Fascists to contribute silly rants and commentary as well. After all, New Traditionalism can't really be a Party if it's a fuckin' Party of One!

So...anyone interested in becoming a New Traditionalist? If so, here're the requirements:

1) A vicious sense of humor, willing to pull no punches and seriously piss people off (including your friends--this is a must!).
2) Some facility with Swiftian "Modest Proposal"-esque satire.
3) A knowledge of Devo, since...well, the whole damned Party is based on Devo slogans and silliness
4) A slavish and abjectly fanatical devotion to Your Illustrious Leader (that is, me)

Trust me, like any good dictator, I reward those closest to me with massively awesome power, so when New Traditionalism officially takes over the United States and crushes the stupid once and for all, you folks who get in with me on the ground level will find yourselves living in incredible splendor and decadence--provided, of course, you obey my iron-fisted edicts mindlessly and selflessly.

If I recall correctly, popejeremy is already my Minister of Bloodthirsty Retribution, and lyssabard and tlttlotd are my Ministers of Decadence and Joy Divisions (the Band and the Ho's). Anyone else want in on this reputation-destroying insanity?

Comments

*salutes!*

[lyssabard.livejournal.com]

Happ-y Birth-day, Mr. Dic-ta-tor....

*flash* ( . Y . )


;)

Re: *salutes!*

[oneirophrenia.livejournal.com]

Besleeve yourself, strumpet!

Re: *salutes!*

[lyssabard.livejournal.com]

Besleeve?

There is something wrong with my arms???

Re: *salutes!*

[lyssabard.livejournal.com]

I'll be drafting the first essay from the Ministry of (In)Decency and Public Health this evening.

We're sterilizing Topeka and the majority of the "red" states, you know....

[blackcatbon.livejournal.com]

So... If i join the new traditionalist group... do i get any Swag or a free gift like a toaster?

[oneirophrenia.livejournal.com]

You get a New Traditionalist-*approved* toaster that will not only toast your bread but also berate it for being stupid enough to be bread in the first place, and then declare that its toasting is punishment enough for breaking the First Law of Stupidity: KNOW YOUR REINCARNATION.

[blackcatbon.livejournal.com]

I see push-pins and t-shirts in your future!

[oneirophrenia.livejournal.com]

Cool pad? How 'bout I just give you ALL OF BRITAIN? As duly-designated Puppet Governor of the British Isles, you will be entitled by right of primogeniture (a.k.a. the 900-Lb. Gorilla Clause) to sleep where you like, go where you like, DO WHO YOU LIKE, and confiscate anything you like in the name of the Party! But there is a caveat: Ali G has to be your Right-Hand Man and SubMinister of Big Pimpin'. (You, of course, are the all-around High Minister of Big Pimpin'...but even a might pimp such as yourself can't be expected to have enough game for an entire nation--hence the need for some second-string backup.)

[lyssabard.livejournal.com]

The Ministry of Decadance wishes to submit to the Pimp-Daddy of the British Isles, a formal request to claim part of the Oxford Dormitories for Ministry Decadance. We would like to implement our Multicultural Training (See New Traditionalist Ministry of Decadance report 27B: A Proper British Education for Headmasters/Mistresses and the Naughty), in accordance with the Ministry's panel for historical authenticity.

Or, in simpler terms, we'd going to borrow your spanking brothels, too.

[vocis.livejournal.com]

*waves hand franticly*

Pick MEEEEEEEE! :D

[oneirophrenia.livejournal.com]

You're in. :) Now, how about a position in the New World Order? Given any thoughts of how you'd like to Screw The Masses?

[lyssabard.livejournal.com]

...I thought we were in charge of the Screwing? ;)

I do need qualified staff, you know...