Screaming Past Weirdness Explosion
Nov. 29th, 2005 03:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oneirophreniaIsn't it strange how just stumbling across a useless, meaningless artifact of a person who damaged you is enough to send you into a serious hatred-laced funk?
I was just putzing around on in my stupid MySpace profile, getting rid of some old pictures and just generally taking a much-needed break from the grading, when I stumbled across an old, old comment that someone had left on a picture. That person happened to be Jessica, the useless piece of human garbage I was unfortunately involved with earlier this year. The comment was nothing more than a "Hey, this picture is really cool" kind of deal, and I just deleted it...but I was honestly surprised at just how much bile suddenly flooded my gut and sent sparks of burning phosphorus shooting through my nervous system.
All that crap went down months and months ago--in fact, I don't actually remember when all that shite happened--and it's ancient history. Certainly nothing that haunts my thoughts anymore. But its cold shadow still lies heavily on my heart. There are no longer any names or personalities really attached to it, but it's a heavy black anthracite slab nonetheless. This shadow is the reason I refuse to date. The reason I rarely leave my house anymore and don't want to be involved with anyone. And sudenly, out of nowhere, a little rip in the black coughs up a bit of the reason for it. I'm not exactly sitting here stewing or plotting bloody vengeance, mind you--but I was more than a little alarmed to discover just how much even seeing a very bad, fuzzy picture of that girl can stir up the eternal smoldering Croat rage that lives in the bottom of my brain. Bizarre how the human brain works. Especially mine.
Ohwell. It's all for the best. I'm now appropriately fired up to finish the lyrics to the Malpractice song specifically written about that girl, "Stick a Needle in My Eye"! Sweet!
I was just putzing around on in my stupid MySpace profile, getting rid of some old pictures and just generally taking a much-needed break from the grading, when I stumbled across an old, old comment that someone had left on a picture. That person happened to be Jessica, the useless piece of human garbage I was unfortunately involved with earlier this year. The comment was nothing more than a "Hey, this picture is really cool" kind of deal, and I just deleted it...but I was honestly surprised at just how much bile suddenly flooded my gut and sent sparks of burning phosphorus shooting through my nervous system.
All that crap went down months and months ago--in fact, I don't actually remember when all that shite happened--and it's ancient history. Certainly nothing that haunts my thoughts anymore. But its cold shadow still lies heavily on my heart. There are no longer any names or personalities really attached to it, but it's a heavy black anthracite slab nonetheless. This shadow is the reason I refuse to date. The reason I rarely leave my house anymore and don't want to be involved with anyone. And sudenly, out of nowhere, a little rip in the black coughs up a bit of the reason for it. I'm not exactly sitting here stewing or plotting bloody vengeance, mind you--but I was more than a little alarmed to discover just how much even seeing a very bad, fuzzy picture of that girl can stir up the eternal smoldering Croat rage that lives in the bottom of my brain. Bizarre how the human brain works. Especially mine.
Ohwell. It's all for the best. I'm now appropriately fired up to finish the lyrics to the Malpractice song specifically written about that girl, "Stick a Needle in My Eye"! Sweet!
